A good friend is facing a devastating health crisis in his family, and recently I drove to meet him for lunch. We talked about the trauma of a diagnosis that had turned his world upside down. Our conversation drifted between laughter over old memories and tears over a future suddenly clouded by uncertainty.

At one point, I fell back on an old cliché and called the situation “unfair.” It seemed wrong that such hardship should visit such good people. It felt as though the universe had made a mistake and singled them out for suffering.

My friend gently challenged that idea.

Rather than joining in a chorus of “Why me? Why us? Why now?” he smiled and reminded me that life is neither fair nor unfair. It is simply life. His family had not been chosen for hardship, just as others are not chosen for good fortune. Joy and sorrow arrive without regard to merit, and measuring life through the lens of fairness often leaves us trapped in frustration and disappointment.

Instead, he spoke about the road ahead—the treatments, the decisions, the hope that still remained. He reminded me that life is fragile and that every good day is a gift to be treasured. Even in hardship, there is an opportunity to discover strength, deepen relationships, and appreciate the fullness of life.

My friend has been teaching me lessons for years. His refusal to dwell on “Why me?” is simply the latest one. We cannot always control what happens to us, but we can choose how we respond. Resilience, gratitude, and purpose do not erase suffering, but they can help us navigate it.

As I drove home, I realized that perhaps the goal is not to decide whether life is fair. The goal is to live it as fully as we can—with courage in difficult seasons, gratitude in good ones, and hope in all of them.